I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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