so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize