All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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