He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
