In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
