she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
