i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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