I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My dick has a subreddit
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
