can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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