hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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