Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
