it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
