mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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