omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
