She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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