hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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