She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
