My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
