What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize