Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
