so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
