I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize