Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
