everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
