I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize