Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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