Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
