So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
