my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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