Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
