i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize