Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
