it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
