i may or may not be watching the land before time
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
