she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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