Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My liver just had a heart attack.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
