ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
