i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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