when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
