I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
