Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
