why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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