also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
