Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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