im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He did a backflip because drugs
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
