Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
