I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
