So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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