I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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