i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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