my sisters under your porch take her home
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
