you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
