true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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