I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
