is your mom at the bar?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
