well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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