i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
