I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
