She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
