I didn't shave. On purpose
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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