let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
