Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize