So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
