so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
