The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
