Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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