Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
