How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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