we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
