can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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