Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
