Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
