So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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